Whether you are in business or for social needs, creating a positive relationship can only be a good thing. In the busy bustle of today’s world, time is always of the essence. Add into the mix the virtuality of the digital world, creating trust can be one of the most challenging things we do.
However, it isn’t as hard as you might think. With a little attention, almost anyone can create a valuable relationship very quickly, to develop the potential of any interaction, by building rapport.
Rapport is a version of trust that doesn’t always translate well. Many languages only have a word for trust. Rapport is more subtle and in our daily lives, much more valuable. A quick version of trust that lets you create a deeper relationship on the fly. A ‘trust-lite‘ you create in the moment, not requiring months or even years. Rapport means that you are willing to give me airtime. Trust means you’ll lend me your car.
The problem most people have when they meet someone, is that they are full of themselves in their head. This could be that they are simply immature and insecure, driving their ego to talk about themselves, wasting valuable rapport building time.
It could also be because they are driven by a desperate need to deliver measurable results as a requirement of the role they have in their work. Everyone has come across the over-zealous double-glazing salesman; estate agent or the person with that ” second hand BMW. Selling without a relationship is a recipe for disaster, and much more likely to put someone’s back up, rather than create a relationship where a deal is mutually beneficial.
So, how do you become easy to like and create rapport quickly? Here are four simple steps you can take, right away.
- Be interested in the other person as your only priority. Rapport (the younger sibling of trust) comes from asking curiosity-driven questions about their day; their world; and most vitally, finding out what’s important to them right now.
- When they tell you something as a result of your questions, ask them something else about what they have told you – ‘ask a second question about what they have told you’. It’s OK, it may be boring, but it will be worth it.
- When the moment is right – and your intuition will tell you when – ask for their help. Nothing creates an emotional bond more quickly than using the words, ‘I need your help. ‘
- Be authentic and conciliatory in your behaviour. Being relaxed and positive helps too. Your attitude and behaviour will make all the difference in how others respond to you, but you have to take the lead in this, they won’t.
So, when you’re checking in for a flight next time, be interested in the check-in clerk, even if it’s just to say, ‘You must be a fast worker, there’s no queue.’ With a smile, you ask a bit more about what they reply to you. You ask them if the flight is busy. Depending on their response, you can then ask politely where the most room is and, like me, find yourself on a row of 4 empty seats at the back of a 747 on a flight back from Johannesburg to Heathrow, rather than crammed in the middle.
Talk to people at online customer service desks nicely and get to know them a little. Treat them as a real person – you might be their first that day – and see what happens. Even if you don’t get what you want, you’ll feel better than just being plain grumpy (and this comes from someone who really can be grumpy, but NOT when I want to build rapport with someone!).
Like me, you may get little deals or discounts; tables in the corner; your car service completed just a little quicker.
It doesn’t work every time. It works sometimes. It works more times than if you didn’t take a little time to listen to what someone else has going on for them FIRST, before you nicely ask for what you want.
Try it. It’s free!
PS If you should meet me one, day, I’m not always after something. I’m a nice guy as well!
This article originally appeared on LinkedIn as an associated article with TNM Coaching.
