I was talking to a friend recently. She has two jobs in the same organisation and spends time between them. The work is very similar. In one of the jobs, she feels very engaged and involved and part of the team. They have fun and help each other out – often proactively – when they need to.
In the other team, less so. There is silo working, individuals focusing on their own thing and too ‘busy’ to help others, huddled alone in their own work area. There is gossip and backbiting and productivity, whilst good enough, is just that, enough.
When I quizzed my friend about the differences, it was clear that there was a significant variance in the kind of leadership. The two bosses, whilst being equally pleasant, have a very different attitude to their people.
In the productive, engaged and motivated team, the leader knows the people. She is interested in them as individuals – as real people. Not just checking in if they are alright in their work, but also curious about their lives; what they do out of the workplace; their families and their passions. Because her interest in them has created a trust, when she asks them about other things outside work they are involved in, they tell her. And she listens; she pays attention and listens. She is authentically interested in them. And she fields questions about herself and her outside life just as equally.
Only when asked though. Not as the opener. She reserves that for her people. They come first.
In the other leader, she is much less passionate about her people as people. She is interested only in work. Tasks, projects, activities, timelines and deliverables. Nothing about the people stuff. Zero about what they are about as individuals.
Is it any wonder my friend feels very different about them?
To get the best from your people, you have to regularly, authentically and keenly be ‘in the conversation’ with them and enjoy getting to know them as people. This does not mean you are prying and in judgement of them. This does not mean you have to fix all their problems in life; you can coach them through their own solutions (a different article!). Do not fear you are opening a can of worms, for listening is often enough.
Back in the day when I was a manager – and unknowingly at the time (I’ve learned so much about my style over time!) – I kept in the conversation with my people, not realising its value. I got to know names of favourite pets; how kids were doing at school; where people went on holiday; what they did with their weekends; their favourite football team, and more. Not because I was nosy about them and seeking some way to leverage my knowledge.
I was just interested in them as people.
With all innocence, this has served me well in other things too. Meeting new clients: building quick rapport with participants in training sessions: meeting with people at parties (back when we could!). From engaging with counter clerks at airline desks, to cabin staff (sometimes leading to upgrades), customer service agents when seeing help with purchases, and even one little conversation which was the reason I got into a garden party at Buckingham Palace!
I did none of this for overt gain, but because I am always curious about people in my daily life, sometimes things happen, even on my morning walk. Once you are ‘in the conversation’ without expectation, but because you are curious about people, then who knows where it might lead?
It works in leadership – and any of the interaction opportunities you might have in life. Ask and listen, without being intrusive, and as far as each individual feels comfortable, you will work it out from them as you gauge their trust in you.
Making people feel important about themselves will help them see you are on their side, and they will want to collaborate with and support you.
Being ‘in the conversation’ costs nothing – except a little time – and as long as you are authentic and do it without aiming for reward, sometimes, an unexpected gift comes your way.
And as well, it makes being a leader much more fun.
