Over the years, many of the clients I’ve worked with have come to me with issues of being under time pressures. Be they in organisations, or in their personal lives, they have been struggling to find time to do the things that they want to do for themselves—their own priorities—because others bog them down with their issues. Having a lack of time comes up very often, especially with those who are caring and want to help.
In a previous article (here) I’ve written about the values of saying ‘Yes’ and ‘No’, which can be otherwise described as the setting of appropriate boundaries. Every time you say ‘Yes’ to accept help offered and ‘No’ to people who are putting pressure on you to do things for them, this resets the boundaries between you. People begin to know better when to approach you and with what sorts of things. They start to become aware of when it’s worth it to ask, and also, when not to.
Here’s the exciting bit. There’s an even higher value to be found by having clear boundaries that you create with others, because this is important to them too.
When people come to you with their own challenges and expect you to help them out too often, it creates demands on you. Moreover, it also takes away from them the responsibility to be resourceful and resolve problems for themselves.
By creating adequate boundaries (be this in the workplace or your personal life) people start to realise—albeit unconsciously—that there is another way, rather than to ask and expect you to fix things for them. That they can think a little for themselves to try and resolve their own challenges.
This makes an individual much more resourceful and capable, building their confidence and ability to resolve problems for themselves.
So when you push back, not only are you resolving some of the overwhelming time issues you face yourself, you are being supportive and developmental for others too.
Creating adequate boundaries that work on both sides, is a positive step for you, and also to those around you. You may find whilst there is some initial resistance, you will also find that over time, not only do you see improvements in capabilities of others around you, they will appreciate you for the way that you support and encourage them.
Great questions to ask them?
- What can you do about it? (and gives them no room to wriggle out)
- What’s the first step in resolving this? (it might be small and it’s a start!)
- Who else could you ask? (widening the possibilities)
- If you had to ask someone else, who could that be?
- How will you start? (the start is implied already, the how is to come from them)
- When will you start? (the start is implied already, the when is all they need to decide)
- What are you going to do about it? (there is something, just decide what it is)
- Where can you go to find out? (widening opportunities)
- Tell me more about it (often triggers ’Well, I could…’ or ‘What I was thinking was…’ possibilities as they talk)
Strong boundaries will help in your life and help others improve the capabilities and resourcefulness in theirs too.
Also published at TNM Coaching
