A little bit of context. I was running late to my 3-hour hospital volunteering job in the local hospital. At the entrance doors, an older couple (yes, even older than me!), were very slowly making their way in; then they stopped; he was trying to find his way; she was looking and pointing, whilst clutching the walking frame. In my way, and I was late.
There was a little frustration in me as I tried to get around them to go inside.
But in a small moment of self-awareness, I snapped into action and offered them my help, rather than hold the frustration on what was my problem. I smiled, showed up to help them, and got them on their way to where they were going. After all, I was wearing the red badge of the volunteer.
That was what I was there for.
After the event, as I thought through what had happened, I realised the whole story. In my frustration with them (which I fortunately overcame), I knew what I had done. It was an easy mistake to make. I had externalised an internal challenge of my own. I had gotten frustrated with someone else because, to be honest, I was late.
It was my fault.
When we have flaws in ourselves, so often it is easier to try to find something else to blame things on. Fortunately for me, the realisation that I am not perfect and sometimes I get things wrong is something that makes me curious about myself. The inner reason. And I do my best to learn from them. Of course, sometimes I huff and puff at something the world throws at me, and most times I draw a breath and realise I am responsible for me – and my thoughts – and I let go. Though not always.
I am human.
The external negative behaviours we express are mostly a manifestation of what we are thinking about ourselves. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and there is no need. If we are kinder to ourselves and accept that we have flaws and that’s OK.
We are human.
And it is quite human to be less than perfect.
As leaders, the tell-tale signs of poor external behaviours such as anger, frustration, criticism, shouting, being always right and more, are indications of something internal we could better to focus on. We can be gentler with ourselves and accept it is just fine not to be perfect.
We can also take steps to get up a little earlier; accept that the cat might be sick on the carpet and we need to clean it up before we leave the house. We can accept that an old blue car could break down in traffic, so we need a bit of flex in our journey time.
What is not acceptable – or productive – is to let our own failing tarnish the leader we are with the people who look up to us for understanding, support, guidance, help, tolerance, caring and more. The good things we have inside us to make us the great person we are.
Realising that we choose to be when we show up in front of someone is a big step forward. Self-awareness and taking responsibility for the person we are each day is divorced from our internal battles, is a grown-up way of being.
Be less harsh on yourself.
Accept the things you have control over are only inside and your people will value you all the more for it.
Your leadership will be revered, and you will be loved for the gift you bring to the people you care for.
And, if success is important to you, it will always follow.
